Pretty Wicked Moms

Have you seen this show yet? I watched it for the first time last night on LifeTime. This is like "Mean Girls" all grown up. I never knew there were real moms that acted like this. If you want to see a botox-dead face and fake group of women, this would be the ones. There is the Queen Bee, Southern Belle, Alpha Mom, Divorced Mom, Newbie Mom and the Doggie Mom.

HA! 

The Doggie Mom has to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I get you love your pet and they are your world, but you just can't compare an animal to a human baby. I don't care how many strollers, car seats or outfits you buy, your dog will never be a baby. Sorry, sweetheart, it's not the same. You can leave a dog in a locked kennel all day alone while you are at work. If you did that to a kid, CPS would be banging on your door and you would be fried on the 6 o'clock news.

The Queen Bee and Doggie Mom sit their skinny asses in front of the mirror and put on make-up all day long. I swear that's all they do. Last night, Doggie Mom was 'sick' and they cancelled on their Jew party for Divorced. Didn't lay in bed or take some Pepto. Just whined and put on more make-up.

The only one on this show I can kinda relate to is Alpha Mom. She is pretty down to earth. She is very health conscious, which that part doesn't relate to me at all. Although, I make sure our children eat healthy.

I'm just getting a really bad taste in my mouth about Atlanta, Georgia. Real House Wives of Atlanta is a joke. You want to show me a real housewife. Show me a mom with a messy house, kids acting crazy, a husband complaining and an average bank account. All of these shows are just grown up mean girls or Jersey Shore, without the Brooklyn accents, with money and kids. It makes me want to slap them.

Top 5 Hubby "No-No's"

The hubby can be an idiot sometimes. He thinks he is being funny when he sends a mass text message to our family and friends with a picture attached to a text stating, "This is Court when she is mad."He apparently thought it was a great idea to send it to me, too. I can take a joke. I have a sense of humor, but I don't like being compared to a demon possessed person with scratches all over her face and green, nasty shit coming from every orifice. Look here guy, I've come up with a short and simple list to keep your ass out of the dog house.

Number 1. Sending a mass text message of ANY God-awful pictures of your wife with a tacky message attached. This is not cute or funny and we do not want to know how you really feel about us. 

Number 2. If we ask you a question, we already know the answer. You may just want to answer honestly because lying about that new gun being "Just for Mama" when we both know you were just itching for a new gun. Honey, this will never work out in your favor. 

Number 3. It does not make me want to clean by myself all the time because you say, "Baby, you look so sexy scrubbing those floors." Nor, does this comment make me feel sexy. I'll tell you what's sexy, a man that helps with dishes and takes out the trash. 

 Number 4. We both have our moments with the kids, but when I say no Dr. Pepper or candy, I mean it. I would like for my children's teeth to stay in their head and would like to have a peaceful evening not a power surge at 9:00 at night. Again, this is not cute or helpful.

Number 5. Telling me you'll cook and clean the kitchen to give me the night off is really sweet and us women like that. However, when you serve me a nice dinner, which again A+,  and let me know that you cooked and I will have to clean is really false advertising and costs you valuable brownie points. This makes me want to punch you. Hard. In the face. 

It's a learning process, guys. We still love y'all and will be patient. Just remember we all like flowers, a sweet I love you and a mini vacation from the kids.

Do you have any rules for your boyfriend/fiance/husband?

ETA:I need to edit the previous post. I have found another 'no-no' for the hubby. 

Number 6. Do not drool over the gas station attendant in front of your wife. She will not find it cute that your acting like horny teenager and I'm pretty sure the attendant will not go home with you after seeing you driving a vehicle with cars seats and socks with sandals.