Monday, August 19, 2013

School Supply Hell

I went to buy school supplies last night. (du, du, dunnn) I think I would rather fall on a knife than to shop for school supplies. I have 3 school-aged kids; Casanova is in 2nd, Snoopy is in 1st and ScarFace is a big Kindergarten kid this year. When I made this decision to shop, I figured I would buy in "thirds". I would buy half the actual supplies this week, the rest next week and the GermX, CloroxWipes and Ziploc baggies at the Salvage Store when I did my grocery shopping.

Snoopy and I arrived at the "Gates of Hell", pulled out the list and quickly got to work. As I started working through the three lists, I noticed things such as 24 glue sticks and a gallon of GermX. Who needs 24 glue sticks? Seriously. That is ridiculous. If I bought all the glue sticks on all of the kid's lists, we would be looking at 72 glue sticks. That's 36 dollars  just on sticks of glue. What in the actual fuckity fuck? Not happening. Not even close. I bought each kid 4 glue sticks and the teachers will know that if MY kid runs out, I will purchase more without a single complaint. 

However, I will not, repeat, will not supply the entire class room with supplies. There is really no excuse to not provide your child with school supplies. If you can't afford it, there are so many programs, churches and events throughout the Summer for school supplies. It boils down to laziness. These parents are too lazy to shop or attend these events for school supplies. They expect other parents or the teacher to provide supplies for their child.

**News Flash** 
Teachers get crappy pay for one of the hardest jobs ever and my children will not be the reason they have to purchase more supplies.

And what is it with this gallon bottle of GermX? For argument sake, let's say 10 out of the 20 children in one classroom bring a gallon sized GermX. That's a lot of freaking hand sanitizer. Last time I checked, every classroom at my children's school have sinks. It's called soap and water. Make little Timmy wash his dirty hands. Two minutes tops. GermX is absolutely not a substitute for basic good hygiene. I don't like the idea that my children do not wash their hands before lunch or after their use in the bathroom because they have hand sanitizer.  

Hell, who needs soap? I've got GermX.

Also, trying to figure out the difference between poly and plastic folders, with or without pockets and brads makes me want to head butt a knife. Why can't we just use the good ol' paper folders with pockets and brads that cost 10 cents? I know, I know those rip easier, but you could buy 20 and only spend two dollars. Plenty for one child for one year, right? I couldn't find highlighters in theses specific colors or the particular grading pencils they requested. And why do I have to purchase copy paper? Where are my tax dollars going? Why am I buying the school things they should already have? When I was in elementary, (I double checked this with Mother so, it's legit) my mom only bought Kleenex and the necessary school supplies. None of this nonsense of baby wipes, Clorox, 24 glue sticks or 48 crayons. And everything was labeled to only be used by that child. No community pile. No sharing. It seems the teachers, the school board or school supply list demons are getting more ridiculous every year. 

There is a school in another city close by that buys all supplies for their elementary classes. They had a great year with PTA and ran out of updates. All classes have SmartBoards. Pretty cool, but I kinda like the whole chalk board concept. Call me old school. Whatever. 

Maybe, I should join PTA this year and say something about it. But, that would make me an overachieving Mom and we can't have that now, can we? 


I finally just gave up. I will try another day. You know, the day before school starts. You'll find me at "The Gates of Hell" picking through the leftovers. Pray my sons don't get a Justin Bieber folder. They might just die of embarrassment. Mama loves you, remember that, kid!!

What are your feelings on school supply lists?? 

Monday, August 12, 2013

Meet Diablo Blanco

Meet Diablo Blanco-

This is my youngest son, finger painting with Cocoa Pebbles in his room at 9:00 at night. He stole this cereal out of the pantry, on the top shelf without making a sound. I have three older children and never has any of them given me such a run for my money as this one. If he would have been a first, I'm sure he would have been an only child. Diablo Blanco, as we call him, is a a little terrorist. He is two years old and his terrible two's started at a year old and I'm pretty sure they will never end. Like ever. This kid screams for absolutely no reason. He can never behave in Wal-Mart. I'm that Mom that everyone hates. He'll scream and throw himself on the floor and it's not even over a "no" comment. Half the time, I don't even know what he is so pissed about and I don't really think he knows, either. Sometimes, I'll just stare at him, ask him where his parents are and run around the corner of the aisle. This usually snaps him out of his latest melt down and he will sit in the basket for 15 minutes without a word. And then he forgets. We're back to square ONE. He's just insane and driving me to drinking.
Another time, I was cleaning the kitchen. He was watching Mickey Mouse in the living room being awesome. It got eerily quiet and as I went to check on him I noticed he was missing. I ran around my house, yelling his name. Ran outside and yelled louder. Went back inside to grab my phone to call 911, because turning myself in now for losing a 2 year old seemed like a good way to claim my mother of the year award.
And then, I heard it. I slight snicker. A very quiet one. I went to the bathroom, the only place I hadn't checked thoroughly, ripped back the shower curtain and found this:

He looked up at me with this grin and I know exactly what he was thinking, "Hey Mom! I heard you the whole time, yelling for me and almost shitting your pants and I was right here the whole time. Silly Mommy." None, I repeat, NONE of my children have ever done this to me before. I have had pretty well behaved kids. Casanova was quiet and good with his occasional temper tantrums. Snoopy was a sweet little girl that walked 9 months and talked by 1 year, Her occasional craziness consisted of smearing her diaper all over the wall and drinking random liquids that had me calling poison control three times in 1 week. ScarFace was the best baby of all of them. He slept through the night at 1 month, rarely cried and played well by himself or with others. Very laid back kid then and now. Nothing, including Snoopy's antics, could've prepared me for this. This little crazy kid. The one they call Diablo Blanco. Anything this kid can do to scare me, he does it. Like jumping off the FireWork stand (Blame Uncle Scotty for that one) or climbing to the top bunk and jumping off to his brothers. He makes constant messes anywhere he goes and anytime of the day. And I'm about ready to sell him to the Circus. 

Until he does things like this: 

Or this:

Then he sucks you in with his sweetness. Don't be fooled, because it only lasts a short while. He will charm you and make you just fall in love with him. I must be paying for Hubby's raising because I was way too precious to be this devious. 

** How can you not love that kid...... Look at the SuperMan mask and the sweet hugs to his Great Grandpa. Damn it, kid. You did it again.**

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Stupid Salesmen and Their Cars

 Today royally sucked. I woke up this morning puking my brains out. And if you have kids, you know this does not detour them. However, I was laying on the bathroom floor on the verge of absolute death (I was sure I saw the light) and Snoopy (my daughter) brought me a pillow and her favorite blankie. Sweet girl. And of course today had to be the day I receive a phone call from the dealership that the car we've been waiting on has arrived on the lot. I tell the salesman, Robert, that I would be there within the next hour. So I pull myself off the floor and quickly get ready to leave. 

I puke a few more times while getting myself and the kids ready to go. I stop at the bank and withdrawal our down payment. As I head to the dealership, I'm still getting sick. When I finally pull in, I see the car. I jump out and quickly look inside it. Perfect. Everything I want. Captains chairs, third row, clean interior. Awesome. I'm actually feeling just a bit better.  As I'm walking into the office, a lady comes out and drives away in MY new car. 

What. In. The. Actual. Hell? 

The salesman meets me at the door and says, "I'm sorry. She's really interested and has arrived before you." Are you kidding me? YOU called ME and said MY car was ready. I grabbed my wallet and said, "I have my cash right now. Here you go!" His reply, "I'm sorry. You should have arrived sooner." I started to cry like an emotional tit-bag. I was angry and sick. 

I have never heard of this before. I understand they have to sell their cars and they cannot hold a car for a customer, but he should've called me. He should've showed common courtesy even if it was just to say there is a lady here wanting your car. That was a complete waste of time. So, I called the best person I know to handle these situations. The angriest, most intimidating person who HATES a pissed off, really upset wife. Hubby. He called the salesman who avoided his calls and the manager told him I should've arrived in a timely manner and its not THEIR fault they have such a shitty inventory that customers are fighting over cars like sharks and seals during shark week. 

Hey guy! I arrived within the hour, WITH vomit breath and whiney kids. You suck and so does this dealership. I will be finding another dealership and I will let everyone know that wasn't cool and definitely shady. But I guess that's what you get when you deal with a smaller dealership. 

I picked up Hubby shortly after that fiasco from work. He's a truck driver for a major company in town. We grabbed the kids some food, went home and all took a good nap after lunch. We ordered pizza for dinner and all lounged in the living room watching Duck Dynasty. Hubby and Diablo Blanco (my youngest son) went to bed. Snoopy and I watched Breaking Dawn. We're a little Twihard. :) 

I got a phone call from my sister about a new car that will probably work out better in our favor and in the long scheme of things. I hope tomorrow for Sunday Funday, I feel better and can get some things accomplished. Until then....i will pull my big girl panties up and DEAL. 

Have you ever had a terrible experience with a car dealership or salesman?

Monday, August 5, 2013

Honestly Annoying

This morning,  I was over at People I Want to Punch in the Throat blog page. (I love that lady. She is great and funny and one day I hope to meet her. Jen, if you're reading this, you are awesome and I pretty much looooovvveeee you. More about that another day.) She was pissed about this Jessica Alba owned company attacking another Mom Blogger. I did my research and I'm pretty pissed, too.

1. Why did Honest Company ever do an interview with The Honest Toddler? Honest Company reserved the domain name of in 2012.  Shortly after this interview they asked for The Honest Toddler to shut down and start over because Honest Company was afraid people would become confused between expensive diapers and a sneering toddler. D you really think mom's are that stupid, Honest Company? I know the difference between a $10.00 bottle (By the way, what the eff is that? A $10.00 bottle? geeeez) and a hilarious comment from a baby about daily life. Not baby. Toddler. They state that being called a baby is the same as a racial slur. Shit. Please accept my apologies. Thanks.


C. Is Honest Company going to go after every company with Honest in their name or are they just bullying a mom blogger? There are so many different things with honest in their name, but why won't Honest Company go after them? Well, there is Honest Tea and Honest Kids which are ran by Coca-Cola. Yea, I wouldn't mess with them, either. Or what about Honest Mom? I don't see them attacking that Mom Blogger.

They have gone after this Mom because she has been so successful. Her blog, social media and book has really taking off. She's put in all the frustrating hours of trying to publicize her blog and it's paid off. However, Honest Company will not take her down without a fight and will not bully any of us Mom's. We stick together and we fight for what's right. That's what we do.

I encourage you to share this blog and also Tweet, Honest Company and Jessica Alba (it makes them nervous), to leave Honest Toddler alone.  #thehonestcompanysucks

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Zombie Apocalypse

I met hubby for lunch today and as I was leaving I noticed an older Jeep Grand Cherokee with a green radiation sticker stating, "Zombie Outbreak Response Team."  I'm sure this is just a funny joke sticker playing along with the idea and fear of the once dead rising to terrorize us. I'm pretty sure people don't believe in Zombies. Do they really believe in Zombies?

I called one of my dear friends to laugh about this sticker and dumb people. She brought it to my attention that people in Africa really do believe. Not just like a horror movie or a joke, but more like a superstitious belief along with their religion. She also stated that in Africa, in fact, there has been documented accounts of true Zombies. This wasn't like the American fear of Zombie's. This was legit. These people do not believe in Western medicine. They believe in calling up the tribe's VooDoo Doctor aka Witch Doctor to fix any problem.

***ZOM-BIE: n. also ZOM-BIES pl. 1. An animated corpse that feeds on living human flesh. 2. A voodoo spell that raises the dead. 3. A Voodoo snake god. 4. One who moves or acts in a daze "like a zombie." [a word of West African origin] 
- Max Brooks, "The Zombie Survival Guide"***

I find this absolutely insane. On both sides of the world, the belief of Zombie's is true to some, but to me it's a Hollywood scary movie. That could never happen, right? People eating people. Hell, what about Hannibal Lector. He ate a man's face off. Poor guy actually survived that terrible incident. However, they are saying it was Marijuana and NOT bath salts that "made" this guy lose his mind and eat someone's face. I have never known a 'Stoner' to lose it like that or ever for that matter. Stoner's are chill people. They just want to be high and live in slow motion.

There is a brain parasite called Toxoplasma Gondii that is believed to be one way to turn Zombie. Upon a study of mice, healthy mice were put in a maze with different corners with various odors. One of those odors being a cat. The healthy mice would smell the cat and quickly get the hell out of Dodge. The infected mice didn't look different from the healthy mice and when the would come across the cat odor, they would stay with obvious intentions of dying. These parasites quietly live inside humans and since mice and humans have similar brains, it's estimated over half the earth is infected with this parasite. This is why if your eggo is preggo you should stray from changing kitty litter. Some scientists believe this parasite does effect it's host mice, cats and humans. Mice willingly dying and a jealous man are some of the believed side effects. Maybe that's what is wrong with Hubby. Maybe he's turning into a Zombie. Oh shit!

The CDC actually endorses the "Zombie Apocalypse" and tells you how to prepare for a Zombie ridden Earth.  In all actuality, the CDC is using something people believe in to help prepare for any disaster. Kinda brilliant if you ask me. People can be ignorant and people can have legitimate fears. Some believe in all sorts of VooDoo and a Zombie Apocalypse, while others believe in the Bible and Jesus returning for his whole hearted followers and leaving the world in literal hell.

Do I believe in Zombie's? No. I don't think any of the sort will ever happen. EVER. I do not believe "I Am Legend" or "Warm Bodies" is more than just a movie to scare the shit out of people. I went into labor with my middle son over "I Am Legend." If you want suspense, this is the movie.  Do I think you should always be prepared for a pandemic, terrorist attack or a natural disaster? Yes. Always should you prepare for any kind of emergency situation. We live in a scary world with scary things, but I do not think Zombie's are one of them.

What do you think? Do you believe in Zombie's?

Dunkin Donuts Copycat Recipes: MINI CAKE DONUTS

Holy shit-----Pretty sure I'm in Heaven.

Dunkin Donuts Copycat Recipes: MINI CAKE DONUTS: MINI CAKE DONUTS Dunkin Donuts Copycat Recipe Makes 14 to 16 mini donuts These are tiny little rounds of deliciousness.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Misery loves Company

I hate miserable people. People that find 'joy' in spreading their poisonous thoughts with everyone. People that are mean to others for no reason. Yea, I don't like them.

There is a girl that I know just like this. First of all, she used to tell everyone she was a veteran of the Army until we called her out on it. Look chick, you don't get to compare yourself to my brother, grandfathers, cousins and friends when you completed two weeks of boot camp and essentially were discharged for being pregnant. You don't get to pretend like you fought for our country like the REAL heroes in this Nation. It's pathetic. You are pathetic and not worthy to even act like you were ever one of these brave men and women. Ever. Now, she's getting married to this really nice guy and we are constantly hearing about the wedding preparations and every fucking personal detail that does not need to be shared with acquaintances. Not to mention, I really don't give a damn and I'm pretty sure others share my broken 'give a damn' button.  For example, this guy had a vasectomy and just the other day she was bitching about birth control 'breaking her out' and a possible pregnancy. Not saying this thing has never happened, but come on. You're an attention seeking, whiny little bitch.

Yesterday, one of the sweetest ladies I know was playing with my hair and had braided one side back and left the other down. I thought it was cute and even if it wasn't, I'm not trying to impress anybody. This ass comes around the corner, snickering and asks, "What's up with your hair?" Number one. You are not my friend nor, someone I even like talking to.Therefore, shut your pie hole. And (C) "What's up with your hair and what's up with those glasses? On your Elmer's glue face, black rimmed eye glasses do not flatter you, honey. You should really talk to that tanning place you've been attending for awhile now. Their bulbs must be weak.  Also, what's going on with that "exercise" thing you've been working on? How's that going for you? Because, you still look the same to me. The difference between you and me, doll, is I have a filter and class. I don't purposely go around dragging everyone into my misery. No one honestly cares about you or what shitty comment is going to come out of your mouth next. Next time, there will be a punch straight to the face. You're an actual dumb bitch.

People like this should just keep there mouth shut. I guess it's true that misery loves company. There should be an actual company that comes and just slaps people when they start acting like this.