10 Reasons Why Kids are Mini Drunks

I was thinking about crazy things my kids have done lately and realized they're pretty comparable to the shit-faced twenty-somethings. I feel like I'm either watching a live episode of Jack-Ass or having flashbacks to my high school years. Here is a top ten list of why kids are like mini-drunks:

10. They always speak the truth. Absolutely no filter. I was pulled over for speeding one time. The officer did his normal routine and as he was walking away to go run my license, my oldest son said, "Sir..SIR, if you are going to take my Mama to jail, can you point me the way to the house?"

9. They cannot act appropriately in public.

8. They always have a coozi in tow. The baby screams for a sippy cup like a 24 hour alcoholic in rehab.

7. They talk to "people" that are not there.

6. They make these faces.

5. They can literally sleep anywhere.

4. They have no shame when it comes to keeping clothes on.

3. They can never get food in their mouths and it makes them angry.

2. They can often be found in the bathroom.

1. They always seem to find themselves in sticky situations.

I know others must feel this way. These kids are hilarious and there is never, EVER a dull moment.

What crazy things have your kids done?

Meet Diablo Blanco

Meet Diablo Blanco-

This is my youngest son, finger painting with Cocoa Pebbles in his room at 9:00 at night. He stole this cereal out of the pantry, on the top shelf without making a sound. I have three older children and never has any of them given me such a run for my money as this one. If he would have been a first, I'm sure he would have been an only child. Diablo Blanco, as we call him, is a a little terrorist. He is two years old and his terrible two's started at a year old and I'm pretty sure they will never end. Like ever. This kid screams for absolutely no reason. He can never behave in Wal-Mart. I'm that Mom that everyone hates. He'll scream and throw himself on the floor and it's not even over a "no" comment. Half the time, I don't even know what he is so pissed about and I don't really think he knows, either. Sometimes, I'll just stare at him, ask him where his parents are and run around the corner of the aisle. This usually snaps him out of his latest melt down and he will sit in the basket for 15 minutes without a word. And then he forgets. We're back to square ONE. He's just insane and driving me to drinking.
Another time, I was cleaning the kitchen. He was watching Mickey Mouse in the living room being awesome. It got eerily quiet and as I went to check on him I noticed he was missing. I ran around my house, yelling his name. Ran outside and yelled louder. Went back inside to grab my phone to call 911, because turning myself in now for losing a 2 year old seemed like a good way to claim my mother of the year award.
And then, I heard it. I slight snicker. A very quiet one. I went to the bathroom, the only place I hadn't checked thoroughly, ripped back the shower curtain and found this:

He looked up at me with this grin and I know exactly what he was thinking, "Hey Mom! I heard you the whole time, yelling for me and almost shitting your pants and I was right here the whole time. Silly Mommy." None, I repeat, NONE of my children have ever done this to me before. I have had pretty well behaved kids. Casanova was quiet and good with his occasional temper tantrums. Snoopy was a sweet little girl that walked 9 months and talked by 1 year, Her occasional craziness consisted of smearing her diaper all over the wall and drinking random liquids that had me calling poison control three times in 1 week. ScarFace was the best baby of all of them. He slept through the night at 1 month, rarely cried and played well by himself or with others. Very laid back kid then and now. Nothing, including Snoopy's antics, could've prepared me for this. This little crazy kid. The one they call Diablo Blanco. Anything this kid can do to scare me, he does it. Like jumping off the FireWork stand (Blame Uncle Scotty for that one) or climbing to the top bunk and jumping off to his brothers. He makes constant messes anywhere he goes and anytime of the day. And I'm about ready to sell him to the Circus. 

Until he does things like this: 

Or this:

Then he sucks you in with his sweetness. Don't be fooled, because it only lasts a short while. He will charm you and make you just fall in love with him. I must be paying for Hubby's raising because I was way too precious to be this devious. 

** How can you not love that kid...... Look at the SuperMan mask and the sweet hugs to his Great Grandpa. Damn it, kid. You did it again.**

Crazy Baby Names

I was browsing around on Yahoo and came across this list about Celebrity Baby Names. Why would you ever name your baby Cricket? I know your name is "Busy Phillipps", but you couldn't have come up with a better name then some annoying insect. What is it with these celebs? You have all the money in the world and you already know, depending on your status, that your baby will be followed from birth until their melt-down teenage years. Have you ever thought to give your child a name that will not become a discussion topic to their on-call therapist?

I have to say Kimye's choice was far more ridiculous than Cricket. "North West" swish that around in your mouth. It makes me wonder if the child will turn in circles every time she hears her name. "Which way is North West?", "Oh that's me, 'kay!" Beyonce and Jay-Z, which I expected nothing less from them, named their kid "Blue Ivy." Don't you think some kids on the play ground would call her "Blue Waffle"?

When I had children, I really thought of every which way my kid's name could be made fun of or if the initials would be something like "A.S.S." My kids have semi-popular names, definitely not out of the ordinary. They are also not spelled with a crazy arrangements of letters. Example, Leah-Leygha or Michael-Mykal. This drives me insane and I feel so sorry for the child AND the teacher when roll is called. It reminds me of that joke. The name was 'Le-a'. Your first thoughts on pronunciation are "Le Ah, Le A, Lee, Li A" and when the teacher calls Mom and asks, "How do you pronounce your child's name?" The mom replies,"Lee-DASH-A, the dash don't be silent, lady!!"

I really think there should be some sort of vote from the birth certificate lady at the hospital. If you name your child something stupid or with screwed up letters, YOU get vetoed and the Birth Certificate lady gets to change it.I think that's what's wrong these days. We have too many "Apple's, Blue Ivy's, Cricket's and Le-a's" in this world. I'm all for originality, but let the name make since. You can't name your kid 'Rainbow and Unicorns' or something you would name a dog like "Krypto or Kneut". One day, these kids will grow up and you  will have to release them into the real world with corporate America. I just don't think I could allow a Doctor named Krypto work on me or a Lawyer named Rainbow. It just doesn't work.


What do you think about silly names?