Showing posts with label fail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fail. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Election Eve 2016

I'm sure there will be a dozen posts about this election. The country is absolutely divided. 

Trump vs. Clinton

Trump has made promises of slowing immigration, building this infamous wall Mexico will pay for, deporting 11 million undocumented immigrants, banning Muslim Terrorists, defeating ISIS, creating more jobs and cutting taxes. 

I will admit he changes his mind like I change my panties. He needs to make a 'Mom To-Do List' and stick with it. I believe he truly wants to make American great again and he believes he will do right. 

Now Hillary, good Lord. This woman makes me sad for having a vagina. I really have nothing nice to say about her. She is an embarrassment. She is, at the very least, a liar. Why can't she just say, "Yea. I deleted the e-mails. Oopsy!" Shit. Keep a little credit on your side, Hil-dog. Did you know that felons are not allowed to vote? I'm not talking about the ones sitting in jail still. I'm talking about the people who served their time and are trying to live right. I can go on about that, but that's a post for another day. 

Anyway....where was I? 

I am all for a woman President, but this cow is more embarrassing than Trump's spray tan. Which brings me to what happened when I went to the store for my energy drink this evening. I visit this store often. Kind, good kids. Two of the employees were behind the counter, laughing and joking back and forth. They were talking about the election. These are two of my favorites at this store and I quickly join in with them. The little girl, she's 18, volunteered that she voted for Hillary and proceeding to tell me her reason why. 

Go ahead, take a seat and hold on. 

"I didn't vote for her Hillary because she is a woman. I voted for her because she has more experience. Plus, I don't want to see a cheeto in office" 

Yes. Your eyes do not deceive you. I'll let that sit in for a moment. 

Didn't vote for her because she thought her ideas were better such as raising minimum wage or her ideas for their age group 18-25 will be beneficial. 

No. Not even close. 

Because. She. Doesn't. Want.  A. Cheeto. In. Office. 

My mind was blown. This is why we are in trouble. The 'Millennials' are more concerned about looks than what really matters. You don't like Trump, fine, but come up with something better than he resembles a cheeto. 

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

10 Reasons Why Kids are Mini Drunks

I was thinking about crazy things my kids have done lately and realized they're pretty comparable to the shit-faced twenty-somethings. I feel like I'm either watching a live episode of Jack-Ass or having flashbacks to my high school years. Here is a top ten list of why kids are like mini-drunks:

10. They always speak the truth. Absolutely no filter. I was pulled over for speeding one time. The officer did his normal routine and as he was walking away to go run my license, my oldest son said, "Sir..SIR, if you are going to take my Mama to jail, can you point me the way to the house?"

9. They cannot act appropriately in public.

8. They always have a coozi in tow. The baby screams for a sippy cup like a 24 hour alcoholic in rehab.

7. They talk to "people" that are not there.

6. They make these faces.
5. They can literally sleep anywhere.

4. They have no shame when it comes to keeping clothes on.

3. They can never get food in their mouths and it makes them angry.
2. They can often be found in the bathroom.

1. They always seem to find themselves in sticky situations.

I know others must feel this way. These kids are hilarious and there is never, EVER a dull moment.

What crazy things have your kids done?

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

CafeMom FAIL

 I have been a member with CafeMom since the dark ages and I love the place. I love that CafeMom is a "meeting place" for such diversity. There is definitely something for every mother and we ALL understand each other because we share a common bond.  However today, I was browsing a group and a certain post  made me laugh so hard and say, "What. In. The. Actual. Fuck?"

So, this crazy bee starts complaining how she found herself on a CafeMom Fail blog and she thinks it's so weird someone would 'blog' about her. She, like an ass hat, posted something VERY private on CafeMom. Such as, she had worms and needed to go to the doctor to have it cleared up.She said she obtained the worms by walking barefoot in the grass. But what GOT me was she was also on the fail site for admitting she masturbates with a hammer. A fucking hammer. Really?

Holy SHIT. This bitch is nuts.

Not only should you be worried about the health hazards of using this object in a sensitive area, i.e. getting splinters and possible tetanus, but what would even MAKE you want to "get off" with a hammer. You have issues, doll. You have issues.

There is also some other dumb idiot on there for sexcapades with her husband in front of her "cousin" and her husband's brother on vacation. She also talks about his tool. Seriously???

Another lady took a picture of her poor husband either taking a dump or "doing his thang" and posted it on CafeMom. Who does that?

Where are the Admins of the site regulating what's going on? I'll tell you, if you try to post a simple link about something related to a work at home thing or a blog, they will shut you down quick. Hey CafeMom, where the fuck are you? You are so quick to detect possible spam, but orgy's and masturbation techniques are not on your radar.

People, this is the internet. Everything you say, every picture you post will be there FOREVER! The women at CafeMom are NOT going to keep your darkest secrets and they most certainly will make it known that you are a moron. You are posting for the world to see. You are telling people, "Hey, look at me! I'm an idiot that needs a good cunt punt." I would like to say I am in shock, but people no longer amaze me. I just don't understand the idiocy and lack of common sense.

Nonetheless, I laughed. HARD. Good job, CafeMom Fails. You. Are. Awesome!